aleka

there's so much i want to throw out and say so i'm trying to organize my thoughts before i start rambling lol. alright, basically because of everything that's happened i have a total new perspective on everything. i realized how foolish/attached i was acting in my situation and i'm finally relieved to say that i'm done with it. granted i wish i had snapped and realized it sooner but i didn't because a part of me just didn't want to let go. like you're always hoping deep down that that person will come around and fall for you all over again. but i realized the truth of everything and yes it hurt but it's true that some things simply "aren't meant to be" and in all truthful honesty- i'm okay with that. you live and you learn. i don't regret anything. i had some amazinggg memories that i'll look back on and smile. heh so it's fine. idk why it just hit me all of a sudden- guess i had finally had enough. i want to in the future be with someone who wants to be with me and who is gonna love all of me including my flaws and mishaps. no one is perfect. i'm gonna start taking chances and not holdback because you have to go through heartache and get let down in your life because it will only make you a stronger person and give you a better sense of everything you come across. like you'll just get a better mindset on things and that's what's happening with me and i can't complain. every girl deserves to be with someone who makes them feel like they're the only girl in the room and who will treat them with respect. and i believe there is a guy like that for every girl including myself but the trick is to not go out and look for them- they'll come to you, when you LEAST EXPECT IT. i cannot stress that enough. right now i want to enjoy my life and the company of my friends and family whom i honestly don't know what i would do without. they keep me going and help me through the toughest times in my life and i'm not only referring to petty heartbreaks but other things- real problems. i want to focus on school and making something of myself. and if the timings right and someone just so happens to waltz on into my life and it feels right, hell yea i'm gonna go for it. i'm not gonna hold back because i'll have someone else in the back of my mind which has been my fault for a lot of past situations. but mmm yea just wanted to say all of that sorry if i repeated myself or anything lol.


p.s.-tonight was HYSTERICAL
-thank you guys for makin me scream in hysterics when "something is on you"
-booze=love
-tina got gunned down
-gina and her flippin hoodie
-steph is so loud but i fuckin love her<3 ha





GOODNIGHT JERKS <33 :)

I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static/And put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/Slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant/And I can't bring you back

It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
You now I see/keeping everything inside
With you
You/now I see/even when I close my eyes

I hit you and you hit me back
And we fall to the floor/The rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
But when things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real
Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/Slow to react
Even though you're close to me
You're still so distant/And I can't bring you back

It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
You/now I see/keeping everything inside
With you
You/now I see/even when I close my eyes
With you
You/now I see/keeping everything inside
With you
You/now I see/even when I close my eyes

No
No matter how far weve come
I cant wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far weve come
I
I cant wait to see tomorrow

With you
You now I see keeping everything inside
With you
You now I see even when I close my eyes
With you
You now I see keeping everything inside
With you
You now I see even when I close my eyes

it really is a fuckin pain in my ass to wake up at the ass crack of dawn every morning b/c my damn pooch wont stop barking...piece of shit! but now im awake and i cant fall asleep so ima recap on how the past couple weeks have been. theyve been GOOOOOOOD! lol from nights i spend at deans with vick and his friends...lmfao<333 for months the guys really believed i had a kid but vicky finally blew my cover the other day and they didnt believe her! haha. and of course spending mucho time with my gypsy<3 who is my hetero lifepartner muaaaaa babe-love ya! lol i love our "fumar" sessions and watching john from cincinatti is hysterical ha-ZIPPY!. oh yes and i also got thrown in a pool last weekend- boy that was fun :D. but naw trace's party was a lot of fun, definately need to do another oneee-her uncles house is gorgeous!!! then this past sat. night was finally chris's party! lol its fun drinking and being all crazy with the guys you work with hahaha. i did the ice luge thing a few times- very niiiice. and i actually did good in pong annnnd yea basically i absolutely love the ppl i work with<333, nuff said. ohhh and i saw the simpsons movie the other night at midnight- HAHA hysterical! i really wanna see it againnnnn. and 300 comes out on dvd tomorrow- oh snapppp :D :D :D. and my mom comes home from greece tomorrow :( :( lol. but yay for mucho presents !!! i love my fam ha. okay byeeee fools!

-aleka




-ginako, i lover you mucho!
-hahahaha sam screaming
-freakyyyyy moment with the text message ahhhh! lol




and of course:
it's okay to lose your pride over someone you love
..but dont lose someone you love though, over your pride.

okay so first off i'm gonna say that life's been good. summer is much better than how it started off and im lovinggg the company of my friends so much. "im not that chained up little person still in love with you" yes, the i will survive song seriously makes me feel so good about myself lol. as a response to that whole horrid fiasco...im over it, done crying, its not worth it. i feel so much better and i finally realized so much that turned me off and made me realize i can do way better. but for now i just wanna be by myself and i dont mind it, its less stress lol. wen there's a guy in my life trust me people will know b/c i get all excited and enthralled like whoa hehe. but in the meantime im gonna enjoy goin to the beach,drinkin/partying/talkin with my amazing friends/go to bridgeviewww lol/see movies do all that fun stuff till i start school in september which im so excited for. i cant wait to meet new people and possibly join a sorority (haha nameeta!). hm other than that moms in greece with my sister (ugh luckyyyy :( ), had my last day at the bees but im not too bummed out b/c everrrryone and their mother is quitting that place lol. i saw live free or die hard and LOVED itttt! and im soooo anxious to see transformers! :D soon soon definatelyyy. well im sleepin at markies house tonight, we had a good chat about everything..i love talkin to her she's seriously my sister<3. gonna go watch some entourage then hit el sacko. goodnight :)


-aleka


p.s.-MR. NAPKINHEADDD!!..english children annoy the shit outa me!
-new ky intrigue lube...buy it lol
-"im hornierrrr than ron jeremy"
-i love my hetero soulmate<3
-thanks for takin care of me last night vick<3 ha









"It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me"

last night was the first night in a long time that i actually didnt cry myself to sleep...felt nice. once again i learned things the hard way but surprisingly i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. i got my closure. im just gonna focus on having a really fun summer and once school starts i'll totally forget all the bullshit thats been goin on these past months. in all honesty, i need to get out of this countryyyy. i really feel that if i just went away and came back id be so much better, i would have certain ppl gone and forgotten and id just be so much happier. so hopefully january like winter break ima go to australia and visit my cousins<3. even though i sooooo wish i can go to greece this summer even if its for 2 weeks! lol but its too expensive :( but next summer i most definately am going there no matter what it takes!!! LOL omg im watching eddie murphy-delirious right now and im laughing my ass offff.....good dvd-watch it. ummm not sure wat else to say....just that i love my friends to death and id lose my sanity if they werent in my life<3 kay byeee loves :)








perasmena, xexasmena bitches :)

Summertime, summertime
brought me back to thinking you were mine all those times.
We laid it down and left it all behind, we were blind.

Oh, the summertime.
We could ride, we could ride.
Take my hand and watch the world go by.
Laugh or cry, well we need to try, get off the line, time to fly.
Oh, the summertime.

Go on ahead and let it fade away.
No looking back you know the past will stay.
It's you and me, we could get out of here.
Jump in and go and we could drive for years.
We could feel alive...

Here we are, here we are,
windows down we see a falling star.
Stop the car.
Waiting, nothing but our beating hearts, going far.

Oh, the summertime.
So feel the air, feel the air,
take the map and point to anywhere.
I don't care. Fingers through your hair,
the sky I've seen, blue and green.
Oh, the summertime.

Go on ahead and let it fade away.
No looking back you know the past will stay.
It's you and me, we could get out of here.
Jump in and go and we could drive for years.
We could feel alive...

Driving away, leaving it all behind.
Driving away
Driving away, and leaving it all behind.
Driving away
Driving away (just driving away), leaving it all behind.
Driving away, yeah.
Just Driving away (just driving away), leaving it all behind.
I'm just driving away, yeah (GO).

-THIS IS HOW I FEEL:
-i want to be reassured that things are gonna be okay
-i want to trust again but only if its proven to me that its for real
-really trying not to let myself get all caught up but its hard
-yea i get jealous but its b/c ive been hurt so many fuckin times
-i miss being the only girl he focused his attention on b.c now he gets "distracted"
-^then again i cant expect anything like that anymore or possibly ever again
-wanna be treated like a goddamn princess cuz its wat i deserve
-i really am a good person and i wish ppl didnt walk all over me
-im grateful i have my friends to cry/talk to<3
-i keep my guard up to protect myself b.c right now im sacrificing my heart
-really having a hard time letting past mistakes go, it just hurts so fuckin much
-i wish i could deck that disgusting cunt in the face
-watever though im not letting anyone get the best of me and i will not allow anyone to bring me down
-venting helps.




...that felt so good to let out phewwww

im referring to summer heh :D

lately ive been mucho happy and came to the conclusion that its summer, hence endless nights of fun with the people i love to deathhhh<3. annnd of course i got a lineup of YANKEE games ima be hittin up :D :D. trying to steer clear of any drama because i honestly just wanna have a good time, dont wanna stress about men and wat not cuz whatever its not worth it. you're young, have fun, dont think...just do.
little things i'll reflect on thats been goin on:
-um, i <3 guitar hero muchoooo (im gonna go buy the game although i SUCK lol)
-james bond moves at the beach....priceless<3
-walking in the rain hearing petes convict stories....priceless lol
-trip to marios with sam was hystericalllll yet very embarassing :X (we're
ross and rachel..."hes my lobster"..spilling water bottle...beeping in
car...sex song noises blasting wtf lol...i was a nervous wreckkkk) :) heh
-greys anatomy PISSED ME OFF uggggh *boycotting*
-i fuckin love "the office"
-i got a tad bit "slimmer" :) yay
-spent about 10 hours with kamooki yesterdayyy ;)
-petes reenactment of the "zj scene" at taco bell...haaaaa
-i looooove my "as tall as lions" cd
-i love how my friends love my pathetic, sappy lovin self :)
-kinda wish this following monday could skip right into tuesday...ehhhh
-incubus concert august 9thh!!!!!!!!!!!
-i miss kate quinn<3
-my puppy is currently sleeping right next to me awwww x 1000
-love my sex and the city girls<3




i feel like watching serendipity,again,cuz im obsessed with it lol
goodnight/goodmorning hoes<3

its almost 8 in the morning and i felt a huge need to just pour my little heart out about some crap. it seems that the only topic of conversation nowadays are ppl and their fucked up relationships because guys are starting to panic and leave their girlfriends for whatever reasons i think we're all starting to realize and figure out(im seriously not referring to just me lol i know a lot of others believe it or not). i've been talking to so many people about it and it's really starting to all make sense now. i've been overstressing and overthinking everything when the truth is....it's JUST NOT WORTH IT. sometimes you need to know when to let go. guys around the, okay ill just say it fuck it, "21" age mark are still young and clearly arent mature/ready enough to settle down in a real relationship. theyre still into boosting up their own egos and have ppl boost them up for them and in the meantime of looking at themselves are not treating their girlfriends lets say the way they deserve to be treated. idk how to explain that but hopefully you all understand. im not saying this is how i was treated, my ex was good to me but not gonna lie all guys his age are wayyyy too into themselves. there are some guys who are young and do want to be in a serious relationship but that group is dying down fast and u can barely find a guy like that anymore. and guys really dont start getting it till theyre older. i know b/c i have guy friends i talk to who are older and tell me all these things. which is why i think a lot of girls tend to go for older men. so wats a girl to do in the meantime u know? certainly not wait around for that old love to come crawling back, b/c they alwayyys come crawling back, jerks. they just wanna go have their fun but always have that good girl waiting for them when "they're" ready to come back. guys rather fuck around do meaningless shit with girls they dont care about,fiiiine, girls will never get it unless theyre sluts but hey thats how guys are. we'll NEVER understand why they do what they do. guys have a way with words im not gonna lie and it sucks you in but its our job not to fall for it. they can say that they miss you and still care about you over and over again but if they dont prove it to you and show you, then all theyre saying is just words that im sorry dont mean anything. u cant get back together with a guy after breaking up several times and everyday just keep thinking o shit is today the day hes gonna leave me or maybe in a week? its too stressful and not fun and it sucks b/c deep down u care about that person so much but u know u have to let that person go b/c theyll never get it till their older. its a shame but in the meantime you just have to enjoy urself, like ive been single for quite some time and honestly its not terrible. i admit, i am a relationship kind of girl i really dont like being single cuz i dont like to fuck around. but i have my alone time to myself and it feels good. im figuring out things about myself and who i want to be and its a good feeling. sometimes u really need time by urself with no guys to just relax and have fun, whether its with ur girls or ur cousins, whatever. and its helped me so much and i really believe its made me a stronger and better person. granted, i do miss having a boyfriend in my life, someone whos ur support system, ur best friend, someone your intimate with and share deep feelings for. c'monnnn all that stuff is amazing but if the other person isnt feeling the same way then its never gonna work. i really wish guys can just be in a girls place for a day just to really understand what we're feeling and what we're going through. but whatever im gonna continue doing my thing and i know that someone unexpected is gonna come along and sweep me off my feet (sounds sooo gay lol but just go with it) but im not gonna wait around for it. girls really should not chase after a guy, i cant stress it enough....let them come to you! you need to learn to find ur own happiness w/o someone and ive done and accomplished that so now i'm just enjoying everything and everyone around me and thats it. i dont regret anything thats happened. you live and you learn for the next time around, thats that. and when that next person comes into ur life, dont be afraid to take that chance cause you never know where it might lead you, that person could be the one who'll make u happy for the rest of ur life, you neverrrr know. i know its a scary thing, "starting over" having someone else find out everything about you, certain things you like and dont like...yeaaa and the sexual shit too. believe me i hate thinking about it cuz it does upset me but like i said life's all about taking chances so you just gotta go with your gut feeling and if it feels right, go for it. i can go on and on with this crap but i rather go back to sleep :) goodmorning/goodnight again heh.

-aleka

MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAVE BEEN MY NUMBER ONE SUPPORT SYSTEM THROUGH EVERYTHINGGGG THESE PAST COUPLE MONTHS AND I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT THEM<33333.

...thats all im feeling right now lol. idk things have been pretty okay...work school work school thats all i do besides going out obviously. im very proud at the way i've been handling things and it feels good :). went out for coffee with pete tonight and seriously had an amazingggg conversation that really made me see and realize so much about everything and like life itself, so thank you pete!! okay well im off to watch "serendipity" again for the millionth time b/c we all know how much i love my romantic movies :) hehe. goodnight all<3

-aleka







the struggles make you stronger
and the changes make you wise,
and happiness has its own way
of taking its SWEET TIME....